Long time no see. I’ve been busy. Sort of busy anyway. After finishing all my exams in Mid-May I have alternated between a state of total angst, contemplating different forms of hara-kiri and a state of total drunkenness, contemplating why I only like rum in form of a mojito. At first I drank to celebrate my return to the world of the living (as opposed to the world of dead poets), after a few days it became a way of easing the pains of post-exam depression. Not sure exactly what my problem with writing exams is but I think it has something to do with my nerves. They are weak and uncontrollable.
I have had a lot of bad dreams about school lately. Both waken dreams and nightmares. Last night I dreamt I was in class, being asked by Dr French to read something, not quite sure what but probably Rabelais or something equally pointless. The words were jumping all over the pages, bending, skipping, merging together and not behaving as letters should at all. After having stumbled through the pages for what felt like eternity my teacher asked me to leave the classroom. Can you imagine the shame I felt? Being kicked out of class…at university(!). I have not been kicked out since 8th grade biology class. Anyway, coming out of the classroom, I realized what was wrong with me. I’m dyslexic. Yes, that explains everything. Why, when I’m writing my exams the words I write don’t make any sense even though I just wrote them. It explains why I can remember everything about German Symbolist painters, opposing views of poetry in the 19th Century and meta-theatricality in Shakespeare but still manage to forget every single verb in the English language. I’m not stupid; I’m dyslexic and words are my enemy. Then I woke up, realized I’m not dyslexic at all, just really crap at dealing with any sort of pressure. Now I’m wondering how wrong it would be to have a vodka-redbull for lunch.